Here’s the full text of an interview on cynicism that I did for the March 2009 issue of Cleo, the Australian equivalent of Cosmopolitan. It was a surprisingly stimulating experience.
- What are the characteristics of a true cynic?
Cynics are sort of like dogs: they come in all shapes and sizes. (In fact, the word “cynic” comes from the Greek word for dog.) At one end of the scale you have classical cynics with their insistence on virtue, integrity and freedom from materialism. At the opposite end you have the stereotypical modern chain-smoking cynics with their scornful eyes, sarcasm and shifty “What’s in it for me?” mentality. There are superficially clever cynics, depressive cynics and cynics who are too cynical to believe in anything. My kind of cynic is the decent, disappointed idealist who observes society and uses humor to strike back at the sources of his or her disillusionment. Good cynics like Voltaire and Mark Twain are among my heroes.
- Are cynics born or conditioned by life experience?
Good question, and until science isolates a gene for cynicism we won’t know for sure. I suspect that most cynics have cynicism thrust upon them at some point in their lives. A happy childhood is probably a risk factor; everything afterward seems like a colossal letdown and a betrayal of our youthful expectations. (I speak from experience.) Then there’s the working world, which is like some vast machine designed to turn idealists into cynics. That’s what it did for me. How can you observe the absurdities of office life and NOT grow cynical? We’re looking at a world where thoughtful people have to compete against the most insufferable rogues and rascals. And guess who usually reaps the rewards?
- Does everything suck for the cynic all the time?
No, of course not. Only about two-thirds of the time.
- Are cynics simply intellectual snobs or social outcasts?
Both. And believe me, there’s nothing simple about being an intellectual snob or a social outcast. A lot of thought goes into it. What I mean is that we might be intellectual snobs AND social outcasts, but we’re a lot more complicated than that. I like to emphasize the humane, positive side of cynicism. The best of us are like watchdogs (there we go with the dog references again) guarding our culture against the bullies and hypocrites who drag us down. I endorse a heroic cynicism.
- What’s wrong with an optimistic/positive world view?
In an ideal world there would be nothing wrong with it. I might not be a cynic in Tahiti or Bora Bora, for example. But in a corrupted culture (like ours), an optimistic world view is slightly out of touch with reality. I’m not recommending pessimism, just observing that we shouldn’t wear rose-colored glasses — especially in the workplace.
- How do perennially perky people make you feel? Are you generally skeptical about their purported levels of happiness?
I might be a little skeptical about their intelligence or their grasp of reality, but in most cases I don’t doubt that their perkiness is genuine. I don’t even begrudge them their perkiness. Believe it or not, I have nothing against people of perk. They can be cheerful and charming. Some of them are just genetically blessed, while others might lead deeply happy lives that make the rest of us look like miserable failures by comparison. Nothing wrong with that. Of course, some perky people are simply acting perky and might actually be psychopaths waiting for a chance to poison your coffee. Or they could be professional TV news readers.
- What are your thoughts on the entertainment industry’s portrayal of wised cynics, particularly female ones (most recently, 16-year-old Juno McDuff in Juno; Miranda in Sex and the City)?
I’m not especially fond of the drop-dead cool, all-knowing, snarky brand of cynic portrayed in TV shows and movies. Juno was refreshing enough; she had a good heart and actually seemed to like her parents. But she also had the mandatory teenage attitude thing, didn’t she? At least Juno had a little substance beneath the shell of sarcasm. As for “Sex and the City,” I avoided it the way I’d avoid sushi ice cream. I prefer not to know that much about women’s private lives and conversations, if I’m going to have anything to do with them again. I’m sure women feel the same way about us.
- Any stand-out movie or TV characters you can relate to?
Oh, W. C. Fields, my all-time favorite cynic. He was nasty to nasty people but touchingly kind to good people (especially if they happened to be pretty young women). And what a genius with words! I also loved Basil Fawlty — a sympathetic, intolerant, put-upon sort of Everyman cynic who was hilariously outspoken in his outrage. As for today’s characters… not so much. I hear that the lead character in “House” (do you get “House” down under?) is a world-class cynic, but I haven’t seen the show. My own life would make a pretty decent comedy at this point, and I could certainly relate to myself.
- Would you date a fellow cynic or do you believe opposites attract?
To me, cynicism in a woman is like pepper: a little bit is delightful and stimulating; too much of it would set my innards on fire — and not in a nice way. I’m especially drawn to the cynical-idealist personality; they seem have an appealing combination of heart, soul, wistfulness and wit. And of course, perky women can be attractive, too. I’m just afraid that some of it might rub off on me. I should probably mention at this point that my wife recently left me. (Don’t know what she was thinking. Anyway, I’m free, ladies!)
- Can cynicism be a man’s undoing?
Well, you hear about medical studies that claim cynics are four times likelier than non-cynics to keel over from heart disease. That’s pretty alarming. It might be that cynics smoke and drink to excess without caring about the consequences. Or maybe our negative outlook unconsciously cues our bodies to send out some kind of “abort” signal. But yes, I suspect that unrelieved cynicism isn’t good for the heart or soul. I recommend cynicism in moderation, like alcohol and saturated fats.
- Would a world without cynics fall off its axle?
Too late. It’s already fallen off. We’re just trying to keep it upright at this point.
- What is ‘positive cynicism’: sounds like an oxymoron to us?
Glad you asked. Positive Cynicism is a philosophy I developed recently to help keep us cynics from spiraling downward into pessimism, despair and worse. Lots of impressionable young people visit my website, The Cynic’s Sanctuary (i-cynic.com). I’d feel guilty if they became bitter, lonely curmudgeons on my account. Because a cynic doesn’t have to be bitter; cynicism can actually make for a merry life as long as you’re grounded in happiness. The key to Positive Cynicism is finding something you love that can sustain you through the dark nights of the soul. It can be a person, a career or even a hobby that delights you. When you live passionately and positively, it’s hard to be swamped by negativity and despair. Yet you can still think like a cynic. You don’t have to sell out or lose your integrity. You can continue to rant about injustice (or whatever it is you like to rant about). In fact, as a Positive Cynic, you can actually use your cynicism to make a difference for the better, the way someone like Voltaire did. You’ll be thoughtfully happy, not mindlessly happy like all those cute, perky folks who don’t know what they’re missing.
